Learning by Leveraging Listening: The Strategic Power of Valuing Differences

Over the past 35 years, I’ve had the honor to work with project teams from across the world to help them win projects and then deliver them successfully by applying best practices in client and team management. Strategy is the core of my work—finding patterns, analyzing strengths, and defining differentiators. Strategy is seldom obvious; finding the strategic approach to an interview, a team problem, or a project issue takes understanding multiple perspectives. And no matter how smart a coach or a consultant is, we can’t find the right approach alone. The ‘secret sauce’ in all of my work has been something that might seem unexpected: maintaining an uncompromising commitment to listening deeply and valuing differences.

We must listen deeply to our clients’ and our team members’ needs, perspectives, and other points of view. Listening deeply is more than paraphrasing to signal that we’ve heard them. It’s taking the time and energy to find the meaningful content that even the most challenging communicators convey. With time, experience, and maturity (okay, age…), I’ve learned the power this has in making others feel heard and valued. From my perspective, this is the only way teams achieve their aspirations and their potential.

Making The ‘Aha’ Moment

If you’ve worked with me or my team in proposal development and interview prep, you’ll sometimes see the moment we find the strategic throughline that forms the basis for an entire proposal or presentation. Developing the strategy—finding that throughline—takes hard work and a commitment to putting our own perspective temporarily on hold, learning from others through listening, and helping teams connect their dots. Coaches who come to an assignment thinking they have all the answers can’t help a team reach its true potential; the best proposals and interviews and the most resilient strategies come together from the magical combination of the individual members of the team, the diversity of their perspectives, and the context we create by bringing them together in a way that results in something greater than the sum of these parts.

Expanding our Horizons

People are limited by our experiences and, oftentimes, by our privilege, and that is also true for me. With the blinders we have on all the time—that most of us don’t know we’re wearing—we often become entrenched in our beliefs about how the world—or the project or the presentation—should be. However, the very things that make us different also make us interesting. I’ve learned over the years that those differences are part of the magic; they are key ingredients of the ‘secret sauce’ that creates differentiating strategy, great design, and creative problem solving. They help leaders, consultants, and teams who are open to a diversity of perspectives find the right path forward.

For example, in a recent coaching for a signature pursuit, I watched the lead designer work with her team during the pursuit process in a way that is all too rare yet so, so powerful. This world-class designer made every person in the room feel valued and heard, regardless of role, position, or affiliation. She took the time to listen and respond to every suggestion; I believe she took what she learned and used her incredible talent to create the pursuit concept, using the variety of perspectives to inform, challenge, and inspire creative thinking. The intangible she created in the process was team cohesion—each team member felt meaningfully included in the design and delivery, and became wholly committed to doing whatever it took to advance the team to a win. It was magical.

The Only Way Through It Is Through It

One of my favorite authors, Anita Shreve, famously wrote, “The only way through it is through it.” I think about this a lot when faced with a new team, a complex project, or a challenging pursuit. Even when—and especially when—time is short and costs are high, strength comes in considering multiple ways forward to find the right one. We must take the time and commit to listening and learning from each other; we can’t short-circuit the process of listening and learning. To do otherwise risks disconnecting our partners when we need them the most and/or missing something critical that could be central to our success.

Going Beyond Empathy

I read a lot, and I’ve followed the work of John Stewart (not the one you’re thinking of), now professor emeritus at the University of Iowa, since I was in graduate school (“some years ago—never mind how long precisely...”) John is a pioneer in understanding the role communication plays in building relationships. His book Bridges Not Walls is an excellent primer on dialogic listening, a practice that goes a step beyond active listening to prioritize relationship-building through deep listening. In Behavioral Science last year, Stewart proposed that, “Getting to know the other person as a unique human being goes beyond empathy and enables a sense of intimacy and an enriched relationship based on understanding individual differences.”

We work in a relationship-based business; all of us need to fight against the urge to look at projects and pursuits as transactions and take the time to listen to each other, to learn with and from people, and to keep our hearts and minds open to different perspectives. That’s the real secret of success. Our pursuits and projects and the relationships we create with others will be richer, more meaningful, and ultimately more successful for it.